I made mini meatloaves using my muffin tin and the following recipe (from Betty Crocker Cookbook and some modifications by me):
Mini Meatloaf
1. Heat oven to 350. Spray muffin tins with cooking spray.
2. Mix in large bowl (or Kitchenaid mixer) 1 1/2 pounds ground meat, 1 cup milk, 1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce, 1/2 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp mustard, 1/4 tsp fresh ground pepper, 1 clove garlic, finely chopped, 1 large egg, 3 slices bread, torn into pieces (or 1/2 cup bread crumbs or 3/4 cup quick cooking oats), 1 small or 1/2 large chopped onion, 1/2 tsp Frank's Red Hot. *note: I don't measure the spices, I just estimate and throw them in, measurements are approximate.
3. Scoop meat mixture into muffin tins and bake for 30 minutes (may want to put a cookie sheet under the muffin tin to catch any spillage), or until loaves are no longer pink in center and thermometer reads 160 degrees when inserted in center of loaves in middle of muffin pan.
While the meatloaves were baking, I made skillet potatoes (mostly because I didn't feel like making mashed potatoes).
In my 12" cast iron skillet, I put 1-2 Tbsp olive oil and sauteed the other half of the chopped onion from the meatloaf recipe and 1 clove of minced garlic over medium low heat. I sliced three scrubbed but unpeeled Idaho potatoes and then quartered them and added them to the onions and garlic. I turned the heat up to medium and cooked for about 5 minutes. I also had some fresh spinach and red peppers in the fridge and I chopped the pepper while the potatoes cooked.
The potato/onion mixture was sticking to the bottom of the pan, so I added a splash of soy sauce and some beer (maybe 1/3 of a cup), figuring that it would be more flavorful than water. Then I added the red peppers and the spinach, stirring well and putting the lid on the skillet. I stirred every 3-5 minutes, to make sure all of the spinach wilted and everything was cooked through.
You could add any veggies you have left over to this mixture, just remember that the potatoes will take the longest to cook through.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Saturday Cooking Bonanza
I spent most of the day in the kitchen, but got a lot made for the rest of the week and some things for the freezer!
I started out making Homemade Chicken Broth/Stock using Alice Waters' "The Art of Simple Food" recipe, but modifying as to what I had in the pantry/fridge:
1 whole chicken (mine was about 5 lbs)
Put into a large stock pot with 1 1/2 gallons of cold, filtered water and bring to a boil.
Add 1 stalk of celery (I washed it and broke it into 3 large pieces), 3 cloves of garlic (peeled off the paper but left them whole), a few sprigs of oregano, 1 Tbsp salt-free seasoning, about 1/2-1 tsp fresh ground pepper.
Skim the foam off the top and discard.
Lower heat to a simmer, and simmer for about 4 hours (until the chicken falls apart).
Let cool, remove chicken and veggies.
I threw away the chicken skin and bones along with the veggies, gave the livers to Darby for breakfast, and saved the chicken for a casserole and lunches this week. After the broth cooled, I put 8 cups of it into a container for the squash soup recipe, and put the rest into zip top freezer bags and froze for later use.
Breakfast Bars: I made these last week and Zach was a huge fan! I bought some peanut flour at Trader Joe's on Monday and found a butternut squash and an acorn squash at a farm stand on the way home on Friday. I roasted both squashes to make butternut squash soup from a pumpkin soup recipe I have, and decided to put some of the acorn squash into the breakfast bars for this week. I got this recipe a number of years ago from a friend, and keep tinkering with the recipe to increase the nutritional content, lower the sugar (but keep them yummy) and use up anything I have in the cupboards. These breakfast bars were one of the reasons I decided to start blogging what I was cooking, mostly to keep track of modifications.
Here's this weeks recipe:
1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. In the work bowl of Kitchenaid Mixer, combine 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup white sugar and 1/4 cup of softened butter. Cream sugars and butter together.
3. Add 1/8 cup agave nectar, 1/2 cup applesauce, 1 egg, 3 Tbsp milk, 2 tsp vanilla (I eyeball the milk, vanilla, and agave nectar measurements).
4. Mix to combine ingredients.
5. Add 1 cup white flour, 1/2 cup whole wheat flour, 1/2 cup peanut flour, 1 tsp baking soda, 1 tsp cinnamon, and 1 tsp nutmeg (I also eyeball the cinnamon and nutmeg).
6. Mix well.
7. Add 3 cups of quick cooking oats, 1 cup raisins, 1/2 cup dry roasted sunflower seeds, and 1 cup of cooked acorn squash. Mix to combine.
8. Spread into 9x13 baking dish and bake 25-30 minutes.
9. Let cool on cooling rack in pan, then cut into bars and store in zip top bag or other sealed container at room temperature.
I have also been baking our bread for the week, but still haven't mastered the "perfect loaf". I found a "no knead" bread recipe and tried it, but made a few mistakes: 1. I did a poor job converting 1 5/8 cup of hot water into something I could measure in my 2 cup pyrex measuring cup, and therefore did not put enough water in the mix; 2. my kitchen is not 70 degrees all of the time, as Zach and I refuse to turn the heat on until absolutely necessary so the dough was not warm enough to rise.
When I realized on Saturday that the bread hadn't risen at all, I also made a "no knead" bread recipe from my Betty Crocker cookbook, which is as follows:
Fresh Herb Batter Bread (with only slight modifications by me)
1. Grease bottom and sides of loaf pan
2. Mix 2 cups of all purpose flour, 1 Tbsp sugar, 1 tsp salt, and 2 1/4 tsp active dry yeast in large bowl (or Kitchenaid mixer bowl).
3. Add 1 1/4 cups very warm water (120-130 degrees), 2 Tbsp chopped fresh parsley, 2 Tbsp butter, 1/2 tsp dried rosemary leaves, 1/4 tsp dried thyme. Beat on low speed 1 minute, then beat on medium speed 1 minute. Stir in 1 cup of whole wheat flour until smooth.
4. Spread batter evenly in pan and pat into shape. Cover loosely with plastic wrap lightly sprayed with cooking spray and let rise in warm place about 40 minutes or until double.
4. Heat oven to 375.
5. Bake 40-45 minutes or until loaf sounds hollow when tapped. Immediately remove from pan to wire rack. Brush top of loaf with butter, sprinkle with additional chopped herbs if desired. Cool.
I will keep working on the other "no knead" bread recipe and keep you posted. :)
I started out making Homemade Chicken Broth/Stock using Alice Waters' "The Art of Simple Food" recipe, but modifying as to what I had in the pantry/fridge:
1 whole chicken (mine was about 5 lbs)
Put into a large stock pot with 1 1/2 gallons of cold, filtered water and bring to a boil.
Add 1 stalk of celery (I washed it and broke it into 3 large pieces), 3 cloves of garlic (peeled off the paper but left them whole), a few sprigs of oregano, 1 Tbsp salt-free seasoning, about 1/2-1 tsp fresh ground pepper.
Skim the foam off the top and discard.
Lower heat to a simmer, and simmer for about 4 hours (until the chicken falls apart).
Let cool, remove chicken and veggies.
I threw away the chicken skin and bones along with the veggies, gave the livers to Darby for breakfast, and saved the chicken for a casserole and lunches this week. After the broth cooled, I put 8 cups of it into a container for the squash soup recipe, and put the rest into zip top freezer bags and froze for later use.
Breakfast Bars: I made these last week and Zach was a huge fan! I bought some peanut flour at Trader Joe's on Monday and found a butternut squash and an acorn squash at a farm stand on the way home on Friday. I roasted both squashes to make butternut squash soup from a pumpkin soup recipe I have, and decided to put some of the acorn squash into the breakfast bars for this week. I got this recipe a number of years ago from a friend, and keep tinkering with the recipe to increase the nutritional content, lower the sugar (but keep them yummy) and use up anything I have in the cupboards. These breakfast bars were one of the reasons I decided to start blogging what I was cooking, mostly to keep track of modifications.
Here's this weeks recipe:
1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. In the work bowl of Kitchenaid Mixer, combine 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup white sugar and 1/4 cup of softened butter. Cream sugars and butter together.
3. Add 1/8 cup agave nectar, 1/2 cup applesauce, 1 egg, 3 Tbsp milk, 2 tsp vanilla (I eyeball the milk, vanilla, and agave nectar measurements).
4. Mix to combine ingredients.
5. Add 1 cup white flour, 1/2 cup whole wheat flour, 1/2 cup peanut flour, 1 tsp baking soda, 1 tsp cinnamon, and 1 tsp nutmeg (I also eyeball the cinnamon and nutmeg).
6. Mix well.
7. Add 3 cups of quick cooking oats, 1 cup raisins, 1/2 cup dry roasted sunflower seeds, and 1 cup of cooked acorn squash. Mix to combine.
8. Spread into 9x13 baking dish and bake 25-30 minutes.
9. Let cool on cooling rack in pan, then cut into bars and store in zip top bag or other sealed container at room temperature.
I have also been baking our bread for the week, but still haven't mastered the "perfect loaf". I found a "no knead" bread recipe and tried it, but made a few mistakes: 1. I did a poor job converting 1 5/8 cup of hot water into something I could measure in my 2 cup pyrex measuring cup, and therefore did not put enough water in the mix; 2. my kitchen is not 70 degrees all of the time, as Zach and I refuse to turn the heat on until absolutely necessary so the dough was not warm enough to rise.
When I realized on Saturday that the bread hadn't risen at all, I also made a "no knead" bread recipe from my Betty Crocker cookbook, which is as follows:
Fresh Herb Batter Bread (with only slight modifications by me)
1. Grease bottom and sides of loaf pan
2. Mix 2 cups of all purpose flour, 1 Tbsp sugar, 1 tsp salt, and 2 1/4 tsp active dry yeast in large bowl (or Kitchenaid mixer bowl).
3. Add 1 1/4 cups very warm water (120-130 degrees), 2 Tbsp chopped fresh parsley, 2 Tbsp butter, 1/2 tsp dried rosemary leaves, 1/4 tsp dried thyme. Beat on low speed 1 minute, then beat on medium speed 1 minute. Stir in 1 cup of whole wheat flour until smooth.
4. Spread batter evenly in pan and pat into shape. Cover loosely with plastic wrap lightly sprayed with cooking spray and let rise in warm place about 40 minutes or until double.
4. Heat oven to 375.
5. Bake 40-45 minutes or until loaf sounds hollow when tapped. Immediately remove from pan to wire rack. Brush top of loaf with butter, sprinkle with additional chopped herbs if desired. Cool.
I will keep working on the other "no knead" bread recipe and keep you posted. :)
Sunday Yummies
I've been cooking from scratch a lot more since we are in our new place and I have all of my kitchen tools (plus some new ones from the wedding!), and reading tons of books about food (Michael Pollan, Barbara Kingsolver, Alice Waters and many more). All day Saturday I baked and cooked (more on that in another post), and since I have a complete inability to exactly follow a recipe I decided to blog what I make and any modifications so I can keep track of what we liked and didn't like. At the grocery yesterday, there were Challah buns on the day-old bread rack, so I made Challah french toast with a berry sauce for breakfast.
Here's the recipe:
3 Challah buns, sliced vertically
3 eggs
1/2 cup milk (I used whole)
1-2 tsp vanilla
dash or two cinnamon
dash or two nutmeg
1 Tbsp sugar
Preheat oven to 500
Mix together the eggs, milk, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg and sugar with a whisk or fork.
Spray a cookie sheet or pizza pan liberally with non-stick spray.
Dip the bread into the egg mixture, then lay on the pan.
Cook for 4 minutes on the first side, then flip and cook another 4 minutes on the other side.
Serve with Berry Sauce.
Berry Sauce
8 oz frozen berry mixture
2 Tbsp cornstarch
2 Tbsp sugar or sugar substitute (I use Splenda)
1/3 cup water
Mix all of the above ingredients in a small saucepan over medium low heat. Stir to mix well, then cook for about 5 minutes, stirring often.
Serve over French toast.
*Mine got a little thick, so I left it on the burner but turned off the heat and added 1/4 cup of Almond milk to it and mixed well. It thinned out and added some creaminess.
On another note, it took me a long time to figure out how to make everything come out at the same time, so here is what I did this morning:
1. Slice challah bread
2. make egg mixture for french toast. Preheat oven.
3. Start berries in saucepan.
4. Spray baking sheet and dip bread in egg mixture and put onto baking sheet.
5. Realize I didn't make enough egg mixture and make more.
6. Realize I didn't make any coffee and I need some. Start the water boiling for french press coffee (which I have yet to master) and put 3 Tbsp coffee, 1/2 tsp cocoa powder, dash of cinnamon, and 1/4 tsp salt into french press.
7. Put french toast in oven, set timer for 4 minutes.
8. Stir berry mixture, add almond milk due to thickness. Put berry mixture into gravy boat for easy pouring.
9. Timer beeps for first side of french toast, water is beginning to boil for coffee. I add water to the french press and flip the french toast. Put toast back in oven for 4 minutes (same amount of time coffee must mingle before pushing down on press).
10. Timer beeps again. I push the plunger on the coffee, then take the toast out of the oven.
10. Pour water into french press.
11. Breakfast is served! :)
Here's the recipe:
3 Challah buns, sliced vertically
3 eggs
1/2 cup milk (I used whole)
1-2 tsp vanilla
dash or two cinnamon
dash or two nutmeg
1 Tbsp sugar
Preheat oven to 500
Mix together the eggs, milk, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg and sugar with a whisk or fork.
Spray a cookie sheet or pizza pan liberally with non-stick spray.
Dip the bread into the egg mixture, then lay on the pan.
Cook for 4 minutes on the first side, then flip and cook another 4 minutes on the other side.
Serve with Berry Sauce.
Berry Sauce
8 oz frozen berry mixture
2 Tbsp cornstarch
2 Tbsp sugar or sugar substitute (I use Splenda)
1/3 cup water
Mix all of the above ingredients in a small saucepan over medium low heat. Stir to mix well, then cook for about 5 minutes, stirring often.
Serve over French toast.
*Mine got a little thick, so I left it on the burner but turned off the heat and added 1/4 cup of Almond milk to it and mixed well. It thinned out and added some creaminess.
On another note, it took me a long time to figure out how to make everything come out at the same time, so here is what I did this morning:
1. Slice challah bread
2. make egg mixture for french toast. Preheat oven.
3. Start berries in saucepan.
4. Spray baking sheet and dip bread in egg mixture and put onto baking sheet.
5. Realize I didn't make enough egg mixture and make more.
6. Realize I didn't make any coffee and I need some. Start the water boiling for french press coffee (which I have yet to master) and put 3 Tbsp coffee, 1/2 tsp cocoa powder, dash of cinnamon, and 1/4 tsp salt into french press.
7. Put french toast in oven, set timer for 4 minutes.
8. Stir berry mixture, add almond milk due to thickness. Put berry mixture into gravy boat for easy pouring.
9. Timer beeps for first side of french toast, water is beginning to boil for coffee. I add water to the french press and flip the french toast. Put toast back in oven for 4 minutes (same amount of time coffee must mingle before pushing down on press).
10. Timer beeps again. I push the plunger on the coffee, then take the toast out of the oven.
10. Pour water into french press.
11. Breakfast is served! :)
Friday, August 27, 2010
Busy times
The past few weeks have been super busy for Zach and I. We got back from Myrtle Beach and:
Z started at his new job as a Read 180 tutor for Columbus Public Schools
I started learning a new computer program and training other people on it
Z found us a townhouse to move into, and we will be moving in mid-September
I started my application to a PhD program at OSU
We are trying to get everything ready for the reception on September 4th
Z started at his new job as a Read 180 tutor for Columbus Public Schools
I started learning a new computer program and training other people on it
Z found us a townhouse to move into, and we will be moving in mid-September
I started my application to a PhD program at OSU
We are trying to get everything ready for the reception on September 4th
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
I love OSU...really I do.
Let me start by saying how much I love my job at OSU. I'm working in research, using skills I learned through many of my previous jobs, and I'm excited about the future opportunities I will have because of this experience. Now, the bad part... I never realized working for a large university required so much patience. I was supposed to be hired full time on June 1. Someone didn't get the job posted on the website at the proper time, so I couldn't apply for it until a few weeks later. Then, it took longer than planned for my paperwork to go through so I could be "officially" hired. Keep in mind that there was still a crap ton of work to be done, and we are on a strict one year deadline to complete the research. So, I was still doing my job (unofficially). I finally was hired on June 18, which works out so that I get paid during the two and a half weeks I am taking off this summer due to going with Emmy's family to Myrtle Beach and getting married (since I already worked for 2 1/2 weeks without pay).
Then, I find out that I get paid monthly, on the 30th of every month. No big deal-all of my bills are due at the beginning of the month, so I can stick to a budget with whatever is left over after bills. Remember how I started on the 18th? Apparently, the 12th of the month is the deadline for getting paid. So that means I don't get my first paycheck until July 30. That's a little stressful, since we have a few wedding things to pay for, like rings and a license. But I paid my rent and bills for July back in June, and Zach has been working a lot of extra jobs, so we should still be ok. I have been working at Young Chefs Academy and with Elliott, so I have a few little checks coming in that help out with groceries and gas.
Then, I find out that my doctor's appointment had to be cancelled just before leaving for Myrtle Beach, since my doctor doesn't take the OSU insurance. Apparently, only OSU-affiliated doctors take the OSU insurance. I'm very sad about this, because I love my doctor, and have been having some issues that I would really like taken care of before the wedding. But yesterday, I got an appointment with a new doctor for next Thursday, so things should be ok.
Now, to the point of my story. I woke up with a really bad headache yesterday, but thought it was my allergies. I took some medicine, but it didn't really help. No big deal, I'm tough, so I went ahead and worked my twelve hour day. (I taught a cooking class last night). I ran some errands after work, and realized that my headache was getting worse, and becoming a migraine (duh, Heather!). I had uan out of my Imitrex prescription, and was waiting to go to the doctor until I got my OSU insurance card for a refill, so I have no medicine to stop this pain. I took some medicine last night, and Zach researched Urgent Care centers that take the OSU insurance plan at work. I woke up this morning still in pain, so Zach took me to an Urgent Care. I got my OSU id badge yesterday, but haven't yet received my insurance card. But everything's electronic, so surely they can look me up. We got to Urgent Care, and found out that they can't look me up unless they have my insurance id # (different from my OSU id #). I can pay for the appointment out of pocket and get reimbursed later, but it starts at $165. I haven't been paid yet, so I don't have an extra $165 or more. So, I call HR, and am given the phone number of the insurance company. After waiting on hold, I'm told that the insurance company has no record of me in the system. They haven't received any paperwork at all. I have worked "officially" for almost three weeks, and the insurance company hasn't received anything. Awesome.
So, Zach drives me to CVS to get some over the counter migraine medicine. I take two immediately and find out that the maximum dosage is two pills in a 24 hour period. They dull the pain slightly. A few hours later, I find an old Percocet prescription and take one. It takes more of the pain away and makes me feel very loopy and dizzy. It's not so much that I don't hurt, I just don't care as much about the pain. After a three hour nap with an ice pack on my head, I'm feeling marginally better. I really hope I feel better tomorrow, since I have to go back to work. I'm just very frustrated, because I know that a shot of demerol and an imitrex would have taken the pain away. But I don't have any proof that I have insurance, and I don't have money to pay out of pocket for the medicine I need. And it's probably because someone at OSU whose job it is to enter new employees into the system didn't do it in a timely manner. I really hope I have my insurance card before next week's appointment or I'm going to completely freak out on someone and camp outside their door until they do their job! But Zach did a great job taking care of me, and I really appreciate it-he's the best! :)
Then, I find out that I get paid monthly, on the 30th of every month. No big deal-all of my bills are due at the beginning of the month, so I can stick to a budget with whatever is left over after bills. Remember how I started on the 18th? Apparently, the 12th of the month is the deadline for getting paid. So that means I don't get my first paycheck until July 30. That's a little stressful, since we have a few wedding things to pay for, like rings and a license. But I paid my rent and bills for July back in June, and Zach has been working a lot of extra jobs, so we should still be ok. I have been working at Young Chefs Academy and with Elliott, so I have a few little checks coming in that help out with groceries and gas.
Then, I find out that my doctor's appointment had to be cancelled just before leaving for Myrtle Beach, since my doctor doesn't take the OSU insurance. Apparently, only OSU-affiliated doctors take the OSU insurance. I'm very sad about this, because I love my doctor, and have been having some issues that I would really like taken care of before the wedding. But yesterday, I got an appointment with a new doctor for next Thursday, so things should be ok.
Now, to the point of my story. I woke up with a really bad headache yesterday, but thought it was my allergies. I took some medicine, but it didn't really help. No big deal, I'm tough, so I went ahead and worked my twelve hour day. (I taught a cooking class last night). I ran some errands after work, and realized that my headache was getting worse, and becoming a migraine (duh, Heather!). I had uan out of my Imitrex prescription, and was waiting to go to the doctor until I got my OSU insurance card for a refill, so I have no medicine to stop this pain. I took some medicine last night, and Zach researched Urgent Care centers that take the OSU insurance plan at work. I woke up this morning still in pain, so Zach took me to an Urgent Care. I got my OSU id badge yesterday, but haven't yet received my insurance card. But everything's electronic, so surely they can look me up. We got to Urgent Care, and found out that they can't look me up unless they have my insurance id # (different from my OSU id #). I can pay for the appointment out of pocket and get reimbursed later, but it starts at $165. I haven't been paid yet, so I don't have an extra $165 or more. So, I call HR, and am given the phone number of the insurance company. After waiting on hold, I'm told that the insurance company has no record of me in the system. They haven't received any paperwork at all. I have worked "officially" for almost three weeks, and the insurance company hasn't received anything. Awesome.
So, Zach drives me to CVS to get some over the counter migraine medicine. I take two immediately and find out that the maximum dosage is two pills in a 24 hour period. They dull the pain slightly. A few hours later, I find an old Percocet prescription and take one. It takes more of the pain away and makes me feel very loopy and dizzy. It's not so much that I don't hurt, I just don't care as much about the pain. After a three hour nap with an ice pack on my head, I'm feeling marginally better. I really hope I feel better tomorrow, since I have to go back to work. I'm just very frustrated, because I know that a shot of demerol and an imitrex would have taken the pain away. But I don't have any proof that I have insurance, and I don't have money to pay out of pocket for the medicine I need. And it's probably because someone at OSU whose job it is to enter new employees into the system didn't do it in a timely manner. I really hope I have my insurance card before next week's appointment or I'm going to completely freak out on someone and camp outside their door until they do their job! But Zach did a great job taking care of me, and I really appreciate it-he's the best! :)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Z's thoughts
First of all, I have been reading James Thurber and I truly feel as if I am the 'him' of my generation. I don't have a specific focus like he lacks but just a general insight into what the hell is going on. My memoirs wouldn't be of any significance but simply a reflection of events from my life (like his). I like how his comic depictions include pictures of drunken social events because I personally romanticize previous decades to the point where none of that happened. Yet thanks to Thurber I can see that we as a society are not far off from our past. Eerie to think of this. I believe that each generation likes to think of itself as the hardest, best, most prominent of whatever it is they are doing. In this instance I refer to drinking/partying. Well according to James we aren't trend setting squat! I like this guy. He enjoys sounding smart, is humble in his position yet knows he has a purpose (although I don't know if he ever figured it out). I
identify with this guy on so many levels. I have a fucking masters and am petrified that I have no direction still. I have people who believe in me, such as Biggsy, but I don't still. I have noticed that every teacher I have encountered believed wholeheartedly that they were first and foremost teachers, I don't. This is what I lack. I believe that I am a writer. An artist, I have a dozen wasted good ideas a day. Just today I thought about a killer idea for a series of bumper stickers that will never come to fruition. I'm a tortured idea-guy who just needs one of his things to stick. But how? That's the prob, I have literally had over ten good mediocre-selling ideas which never panned out. But I just want to do them for the money. I am not driven to go and recruit some engineer to create my QVC/infomercial ideas. I just wanna sell the ideas to someone who can so that I can live comfortably with the love of my life because that is what I truly
believe the meaning of life to be about. I wanna live comfortably so that I have the freedom to do as I please. However I wanna change the world at the same time. Yet my memoirs are still simply drunken/interesting stories as James Thurbers are. Am I truly a tortured soul who sees things as others do not? Or am I as perceptive as the drunken assholes who bumped into me obliviously at the bar tonight? Am I special or not? Does everyone think like this? So many questions. Do I really want the answers? I don't think so. I have the gift and the curse of having something that the world needs but not knowing exactly what it is. Am I fine with random ramblings as my contribution to this world? Did Thurber care? When did he learn that he was special?
FRIENDS:
I was reminded today about how loose the term friends relates to us. A conversation with a 23 year old reminded me of the friends I had when I was that age. Roughly 25% of them remain. The significance is that at the time I couldn't have imagined ever not being friends with them. Now they are simply memories which aren't even mourned after (in fact quite opposite). This also leads me to question the friends I have now. I truly believe that they will be here in my life forever but I would be naive to think so based on past experiences. Yet here I am cherishing each and every one of them. I was hurt today by my closest friend. Barring the possibility that he got seriously injured, he in effect stood me up. Our time is limited because of familial and geographical circumstances and so time together is quite cherished by both (so much so that we inevitably ruin plans with others because we have such fun together and do not want it to end). This
evening however I was the one who got pushed aside for fun. Friends aren't supposed to let you down but they do. And you are still their friends because you know that you yourself have let them down before as well. Sometimes there is one who is less reliable than yourself but because of the established bond it is all simply understood. But understood doesn't mean that being let down doesn't hurt any less. Instead of writing this blog I should have been in a drunken haze of laughter and brotherhood. Yet here I am sucking on the salty-ness of tobacco pouches and beer, alone. I don't mean to invoke sympathy for the author (myself) but more so a kinship among friends who have been hurt before. You are not alone.
MONEY:
I down play the significance of money as much as I uphold it. I admitted that what I wanted to do was for monetary gain in all truthfulness. I do not like money yet see its role in reality. Perhaps this is why I go about gaining it so lackadaisically. I don't want it to be foremost in my decisions but want it to come as a by product of them. But I run into the problem of wondering what in the hell is so special about myself that makes people want to spend money on my ideas or writings. Writing well is, I suppose, a curse like any other talent that one can possess. If you have always had a certain talent then you are unaware that others lack the talent for which you have. If you've always been good at gardening then you may be blissfully unaware that others cannot garden themselves. Growing a plant is easy and what makes you so special that others would want to pay you for your services?
SOCIETAL PROGRESSION:
Are we truly a people who keep swinging on the pendulum of extremes? Will we ever settle into a nice mid range? Where are we now on the pendulum? Is there only one pendulum that swings? Can we ever have true progress? To these I answer... We are indeed on pendulums (plural) which we seem to be going to further and further extremes with some while settling to a nice middle ground with others. The notion of sex and extreme feelings are two issues which we are on the far extremities of. We are not a society who gets sad or involved with anything. We have to be amazingly pissed off or incredibly obsessed with any and everything. We are so over saturated with everything that the only way to get our attention is by evoking an extreme reaction. This has, I believe, dire consequences for our generation and other generations to come. This is why divorce rates are so high (not solely but a major contributor). This type of thinking creates specialists
who are only highly capable in a minute field of interests. A people who are consumed by such things overwhelmingly is much like a high-school-like culture. We cannot be destined for this as a fate. Yet here we are, buzzing from one television series to the next. Yet in order to move on we have to bad-mouth the previous 'big thing' in order to justify moving to the next. The last thing wasn't just something we enjoyed any more, it is now the thing which we despise and hate. Perhaps culture has been like this forever but I can only comment on what I see now. It is the a constant struggle to be in the 'in' crowd. And it is the fucking fickle, disturbed, emotionally overcharged, petty, and ignorant masses who are making the decisions of what is societally important and cool. Peoples led like this are doomed for nothingness. A blip on the pendulum or a force so powerful that it keeps the pendulum swinging to yet another extreme (which means that
it will take yet another series of generations to slow the progress). By saying this you could assume that I strive for a society that is at the middle of all history's pendulums. I am. The middle does not constitute a settling of values but an understanding of everyones' values and therefore a fair mix of all things in moderation. What then does a society do that is theoretically in the middle? Do they even exist? Do they exist as a mark of the human progression? How fun would that be? Who would I be in such a society? Would I then be a pendulum-swinger? One who starts something? One who I am arguing against in my very own speech? Does any of this banter even matter?
RELATIONSHIPS:
Until you are in a good one you have no idea. If the average lifespan is 60 years of age (I believe it to be higher) then I am only half capable of sticking to the belief. I am only 29 yet believe myself to have incredible, extraordinary perception into the human psyche. But how would I be confronted by myself in fifteen years? For now I will forgo this inevitability and move on with what I think I know. Age does not simply denote knowledge however it is a trustworthy gauge of it. We are a society that is living longer yet we still hold onto some norms such as getting married in your twenties. When the average lifespan was 35 to 60 years this wasn't an issue (perhaps it was but fear of being alone after such an age forced couples to stay wed). We still adopt the mantra of finding 'the one' in our twenties while we are undoubtedly too affected by the fickle societal issues from last paragraph. Keeping religion out of it, marriage is a plague on
the American culture because we societally feel in such extremes (especially in our early/mid twenties) that we feel as if things will never change, could never be any better, etc... A person in their 30's feels inadequate if they are alone yet in reality they are much more capable of making a sound decision as to the type of person they truly are and therefore they type of person they should be with. Your twenties are a magical time when mistakes should be made and learned from. But this is not emphasized as a culture. What is emphasized is strong feelings of societal belonging, a move towards an adult lifestyle, and desire for a place on the pendulum. Essentially a puppet. I say that we should fight these notions and embrace our blatant hypocrisy! Much of our society is dependent upon entertainment for direction instead of themselves. Entertainment used to simply be for the sake of entertainment. Now, many young people are immersing themselves
in the entertainment business and it is essentially telling the rest of the world what and how to think. Once again extreme actions gain ratings and ratings equals viewers, thus leading us further into a society which is ran like the social fabric of a high school. No one thinks for themselves until they had at least one or more divorces... (which would normally put them past the age of mid twenties and therefore more capable of knowing themselves). I do concur with the critic who says that we can only learn from our mistakes. My rebuttal would be that I am chastizing our reliance on being an culture of extreme feelings and acceptance/anti-acceptance so that we may welcome feelings of uncertainess and hypocrisy where we can learn without the social stigma of having to whole-heartedly commit to this or that.
CONCLUSION:
What the fuck is wrong with us? Are we progressing as we should? Or regressing? Is regressing necessarily bad because if we did ultimately reach a true middle of the 'pendulum' would we want some regression? Is the notion of a pendulum even correct? My conclusion has no answers. Those can and should only be had by the reader because it is they who I am stressing should make up their own mind. Even if their mind is that of a young twenty-something year old at least they'd be making it up on their own!
identify with this guy on so many levels. I have a fucking masters and am petrified that I have no direction still. I have people who believe in me, such as Biggsy, but I don't still. I have noticed that every teacher I have encountered believed wholeheartedly that they were first and foremost teachers, I don't. This is what I lack. I believe that I am a writer. An artist, I have a dozen wasted good ideas a day. Just today I thought about a killer idea for a series of bumper stickers that will never come to fruition. I'm a tortured idea-guy who just needs one of his things to stick. But how? That's the prob, I have literally had over ten good mediocre-selling ideas which never panned out. But I just want to do them for the money. I am not driven to go and recruit some engineer to create my QVC/infomercial ideas. I just wanna sell the ideas to someone who can so that I can live comfortably with the love of my life because that is what I truly
believe the meaning of life to be about. I wanna live comfortably so that I have the freedom to do as I please. However I wanna change the world at the same time. Yet my memoirs are still simply drunken/interesting stories as James Thurbers are. Am I truly a tortured soul who sees things as others do not? Or am I as perceptive as the drunken assholes who bumped into me obliviously at the bar tonight? Am I special or not? Does everyone think like this? So many questions. Do I really want the answers? I don't think so. I have the gift and the curse of having something that the world needs but not knowing exactly what it is. Am I fine with random ramblings as my contribution to this world? Did Thurber care? When did he learn that he was special?
FRIENDS:
I was reminded today about how loose the term friends relates to us. A conversation with a 23 year old reminded me of the friends I had when I was that age. Roughly 25% of them remain. The significance is that at the time I couldn't have imagined ever not being friends with them. Now they are simply memories which aren't even mourned after (in fact quite opposite). This also leads me to question the friends I have now. I truly believe that they will be here in my life forever but I would be naive to think so based on past experiences. Yet here I am cherishing each and every one of them. I was hurt today by my closest friend. Barring the possibility that he got seriously injured, he in effect stood me up. Our time is limited because of familial and geographical circumstances and so time together is quite cherished by both (so much so that we inevitably ruin plans with others because we have such fun together and do not want it to end). This
evening however I was the one who got pushed aside for fun. Friends aren't supposed to let you down but they do. And you are still their friends because you know that you yourself have let them down before as well. Sometimes there is one who is less reliable than yourself but because of the established bond it is all simply understood. But understood doesn't mean that being let down doesn't hurt any less. Instead of writing this blog I should have been in a drunken haze of laughter and brotherhood. Yet here I am sucking on the salty-ness of tobacco pouches and beer, alone. I don't mean to invoke sympathy for the author (myself) but more so a kinship among friends who have been hurt before. You are not alone.
MONEY:
I down play the significance of money as much as I uphold it. I admitted that what I wanted to do was for monetary gain in all truthfulness. I do not like money yet see its role in reality. Perhaps this is why I go about gaining it so lackadaisically. I don't want it to be foremost in my decisions but want it to come as a by product of them. But I run into the problem of wondering what in the hell is so special about myself that makes people want to spend money on my ideas or writings. Writing well is, I suppose, a curse like any other talent that one can possess. If you have always had a certain talent then you are unaware that others lack the talent for which you have. If you've always been good at gardening then you may be blissfully unaware that others cannot garden themselves. Growing a plant is easy and what makes you so special that others would want to pay you for your services?
SOCIETAL PROGRESSION:
Are we truly a people who keep swinging on the pendulum of extremes? Will we ever settle into a nice mid range? Where are we now on the pendulum? Is there only one pendulum that swings? Can we ever have true progress? To these I answer... We are indeed on pendulums (plural) which we seem to be going to further and further extremes with some while settling to a nice middle ground with others. The notion of sex and extreme feelings are two issues which we are on the far extremities of. We are not a society who gets sad or involved with anything. We have to be amazingly pissed off or incredibly obsessed with any and everything. We are so over saturated with everything that the only way to get our attention is by evoking an extreme reaction. This has, I believe, dire consequences for our generation and other generations to come. This is why divorce rates are so high (not solely but a major contributor). This type of thinking creates specialists
who are only highly capable in a minute field of interests. A people who are consumed by such things overwhelmingly is much like a high-school-like culture. We cannot be destined for this as a fate. Yet here we are, buzzing from one television series to the next. Yet in order to move on we have to bad-mouth the previous 'big thing' in order to justify moving to the next. The last thing wasn't just something we enjoyed any more, it is now the thing which we despise and hate. Perhaps culture has been like this forever but I can only comment on what I see now. It is the a constant struggle to be in the 'in' crowd. And it is the fucking fickle, disturbed, emotionally overcharged, petty, and ignorant masses who are making the decisions of what is societally important and cool. Peoples led like this are doomed for nothingness. A blip on the pendulum or a force so powerful that it keeps the pendulum swinging to yet another extreme (which means that
it will take yet another series of generations to slow the progress). By saying this you could assume that I strive for a society that is at the middle of all history's pendulums. I am. The middle does not constitute a settling of values but an understanding of everyones' values and therefore a fair mix of all things in moderation. What then does a society do that is theoretically in the middle? Do they even exist? Do they exist as a mark of the human progression? How fun would that be? Who would I be in such a society? Would I then be a pendulum-swinger? One who starts something? One who I am arguing against in my very own speech? Does any of this banter even matter?
RELATIONSHIPS:
Until you are in a good one you have no idea. If the average lifespan is 60 years of age (I believe it to be higher) then I am only half capable of sticking to the belief. I am only 29 yet believe myself to have incredible, extraordinary perception into the human psyche. But how would I be confronted by myself in fifteen years? For now I will forgo this inevitability and move on with what I think I know. Age does not simply denote knowledge however it is a trustworthy gauge of it. We are a society that is living longer yet we still hold onto some norms such as getting married in your twenties. When the average lifespan was 35 to 60 years this wasn't an issue (perhaps it was but fear of being alone after such an age forced couples to stay wed). We still adopt the mantra of finding 'the one' in our twenties while we are undoubtedly too affected by the fickle societal issues from last paragraph. Keeping religion out of it, marriage is a plague on
the American culture because we societally feel in such extremes (especially in our early/mid twenties) that we feel as if things will never change, could never be any better, etc... A person in their 30's feels inadequate if they are alone yet in reality they are much more capable of making a sound decision as to the type of person they truly are and therefore they type of person they should be with. Your twenties are a magical time when mistakes should be made and learned from. But this is not emphasized as a culture. What is emphasized is strong feelings of societal belonging, a move towards an adult lifestyle, and desire for a place on the pendulum. Essentially a puppet. I say that we should fight these notions and embrace our blatant hypocrisy! Much of our society is dependent upon entertainment for direction instead of themselves. Entertainment used to simply be for the sake of entertainment. Now, many young people are immersing themselves
in the entertainment business and it is essentially telling the rest of the world what and how to think. Once again extreme actions gain ratings and ratings equals viewers, thus leading us further into a society which is ran like the social fabric of a high school. No one thinks for themselves until they had at least one or more divorces... (which would normally put them past the age of mid twenties and therefore more capable of knowing themselves). I do concur with the critic who says that we can only learn from our mistakes. My rebuttal would be that I am chastizing our reliance on being an culture of extreme feelings and acceptance/anti-acceptance so that we may welcome feelings of uncertainess and hypocrisy where we can learn without the social stigma of having to whole-heartedly commit to this or that.
CONCLUSION:
What the fuck is wrong with us? Are we progressing as we should? Or regressing? Is regressing necessarily bad because if we did ultimately reach a true middle of the 'pendulum' would we want some regression? Is the notion of a pendulum even correct? My conclusion has no answers. Those can and should only be had by the reader because it is they who I am stressing should make up their own mind. Even if their mind is that of a young twenty-something year old at least they'd be making it up on their own!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Precious and CASA
I started reading "Push" by Sapphire last night as a book on tape (BOT) and it is fantastic but disturbing. Push is the book that was made into the movie "Precious". It's the story of a 16 year old girl in Harlem who is illiterate and pregnant for the second time by her father. This book makes me want to cry for this poor girl who is just trying to get by, but the world has knocked her around in so many ways. I'm only on the second disc so far, and I'm so glad I am listening to it as a BOT instead of reading it. I feel that the voice of the character and the grammar and syntax of Sapphire's writing style conveys the culture that makes Precious who she is.
I almost stopped reading/listening to it during the first disc-because I was disgusted by what Precious' parents had done to her and listening to the depictions of abuse made me angry and sad. It makes me even sadder to know that these things actually happen to children every day, which is why I kept reading/listening. I will update as I finish the book (probably soon-it's that good!)
I have been working as a Court Appointed Special Advocate/Guardian ad litem (CASA/GAL) for the past two years, but will be unable to continue with this wonderful organization due to my crazy schedule. I would highly recommend this volunteering opportunity to anyone interested in making a difference in the life of a child/children who have been abused or neglected, but it is a big commitment of both time and emotions. I think the emotional issue is probably the reason I am quitting, but that's an issue for my therapist...
I have a hard time not overextending myself, especially when it comes to kids that need help. Being a CASA is wonderful, but my role was/is to be a outside observer and report the facts. I can't stay objective and not want to jump in and "fix" things. So in order for me not to go nuts, I am putting my energy into my other jobs. I do highly recommend CASA and all that they do for children-it is fantastic and so very much needed. If you are looking for a volunteering opportunity and would like more information, feel free to email me or contact www.casaforchildren.org.
I almost stopped reading/listening to it during the first disc-because I was disgusted by what Precious' parents had done to her and listening to the depictions of abuse made me angry and sad. It makes me even sadder to know that these things actually happen to children every day, which is why I kept reading/listening. I will update as I finish the book (probably soon-it's that good!)
I have been working as a Court Appointed Special Advocate/Guardian ad litem (CASA/GAL) for the past two years, but will be unable to continue with this wonderful organization due to my crazy schedule. I would highly recommend this volunteering opportunity to anyone interested in making a difference in the life of a child/children who have been abused or neglected, but it is a big commitment of both time and emotions. I think the emotional issue is probably the reason I am quitting, but that's an issue for my therapist...
I have a hard time not overextending myself, especially when it comes to kids that need help. Being a CASA is wonderful, but my role was/is to be a outside observer and report the facts. I can't stay objective and not want to jump in and "fix" things. So in order for me not to go nuts, I am putting my energy into my other jobs. I do highly recommend CASA and all that they do for children-it is fantastic and so very much needed. If you are looking for a volunteering opportunity and would like more information, feel free to email me or contact www.casaforchildren.org.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
First Blog Post
This is so exciting! Z and I put a deposit in on an apartment today (well, Z was sleeping but he signed all the paperwork and I actually dropped it off). It's a cute one-bedroom north of campus area. It's pretty small, but Zach thinks he can fit everything in like a Tetris puzzle and we won't have to rent a storage space. He has skills, but I feel he is underestimating the magnitude of stuff I have. We shall see...
We no longer have an officiant for the wedding-I had emailed with a lady in SC and she said she was available, but in a follow up email said she was no longer free that day. :( Z is now in charge of finding someone to actually marry us. But I have all the info on how to get a marriage license and hopefully that should be smooth sailing. Other than finding an officiant and getting our bodies beach ready, there is nothing much to do for wedding planning. YAY!
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